


ive always carried you with me (wherever i may go)

by sixofclarkes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bellamy Blake Being an Idiot, Canon Compliant, Clarke Griffin Deserves Better, F/M, Protective Bellamy Blake, The 100 (TV) Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23754874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixofclarkes/pseuds/sixofclarkes
Summary: "She sees them."Bellamy glanced over at the girl to find her staring at Clarke with an unreadable look in her eyes. It was similar to Clarke's, now that he thought about it, when she was lost in her own thoughts.It didn't take a genius to figure out who Madi meant."The people who died, and she thinks the deaths are on her."Madi nodded. "And the group on the Ring."Bellamy froze at that, but before he could respond, Madi abruptly got up from her seat and made her way to the entrance of the tent. Bellamy let his gaze wander back to Clarke, and from behind him, Madi spoke. It was so soft that if there was any other sound, he wouldn't have caught the words."She saw you the most."--based on a dream i had because i'm having daily bellarke breakdowns
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & Madi, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Madi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 147





	1. hallucinations

To say that Madi was used to Clarke's _moments_ was an understatement, to say the least. During their six years together, Clarke had seen ghosts of the people she had lost almost daily. The people who either died and she blamed herself for or who left her behind.

So when Clarke froze up just outside Polis and started screaming and crying, when people started yelling for Octavia and Bellamy, Madi was right there. She shoved her way through the growing crowd of people, finally stopping next to Clarke where the Blake siblings had just arrived.

"Clarke!" Bellamy tried, reaching out to touch the woman, who instantly shoved him back.

"G _et out of my head, Wells!_ " Clarke screamed at the air in front of her as Madi reached out.

The young girl had years of practice when it came to helping Clarke through the breakdowns. She dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist, whispering words of comfort into her mom's back.

Thankfully, Miller, Echo, and Indra had stepped in and were pushing back the crowd. Bellamy and Octavia were crouched, and for the first time in the days since Madi had met them, there was real fear in the Blake siblings' eyes.

But Madi didn't care. At the moment, she didn't care about Octavia or Bellamy, and she could care less about who was staring. She just wanted her mom.

Finally, Clarke gave out and collapsed to the ground, sobbing silently. Her short blonde hair hid her face from view, but her chest moved erratically. Bellamy automatically reached out to lift her up, but Madi stopped him with her hand, giving him a long stare.

The two held silent eye contact for a full minute before Madi nodded and pulled away so Bellamy could pick Clarke up from where she had passed out.

"I'm taking her to medical," he insisted when Echo stopped him. "Make sure everyone gets back to work. We can't start slacking now, while Diyoza has Kane and Abby."

The dark-haired warrior hesitated, but when she saw Madi and Octavia glaring at her from where they were getting up, Echo nodded and walked away.

"I'm coming with you," Madi told Bellamy, and began walking, leaving no room for argument. She heard the man sigh from behind her, then footsteps as he followed her to the medical tent.

Madi opened the tent entrance for Bellamy, who lowered himself a little bit and twisted to the side so that Clarke wouldn't hit anything. she was still blacked out.

"Bring her over here." Bellamy's head jerked up to see Madi beginning to arrange a cot for Clarke with a few pillows and blankets that Wonkru had brought out of the bunker. He nodded and gently brought Clarke over, laying her on the firm bed. Madi tucked the blanket under her chin and wandered off to the other side of the tent to get some water for the three of them, while Bellamy sat down next to Clarke.

After a few minutes of silence, Bellamy's voice cut through the air.

"I assume she told you about Wells?"

A beat. then, a small "She told me about all of you."

Bellamy gazed at Clarke before asking, "What did she say about him?"

Madi returned with a small thermos and handed it to him before answering.

"That he was her best friend. He was a good person and deserved better than to be friends with her, than the death that he got, but the girl who killed him didn't mean any harm. She just wanted to slay her demons."

Bellamy ever so slightly winced at Madi's word choice, the memory of saying that exact phrase to Charlotte haunting him.

There was another long stretch of silence before Madi spoke again.

"She sees them."

Bellamy glanced over at the girl to find her staring at Clarke with an unreadable look in her eyes. It was similar to Clarke's, now that he thought about it, when she was lost in her own thoughts.

It didn't take a genius to figure out who Madi meant.

"The people who died, and she thinks the deaths are on her."

Madi nodded. "And the group on the Ring."

Bellamy froze at that, but before he could respond, Madi abruptly got up from her seat and made her way to the entrance of the tent. Bellamy let his gaze wander back to Clarke, and from behind him, Madi spoke. It was so soft that if there was any other sound, he wouldn't have caught the words.

"She saw you the most."

-

_DAY 1572_

It's pouring outside. Not the worst storm that's hit Shallow Valley since Praimfaya, but it'll leave some damage to the houses in it's wake. Madi is inside the house, arranging berries by color.

She knows where Clarke is, where she always is when things like this storm come, but Madi glances at the door anyway.

Clarke is on the right side of the stairs, as if she's leaving room for someone to sit down, and Madi knows that there's someone already there. or at least, in Clarke's mind, there is. It doesn't make much sense to the 10-year old.

Madi can barely hear what Clarke says, just fragments of sentences.

"You ever miss-"

A moment, then,

"I know, Bell, but-"

So it's Bellamy this time. Madi isn't quite sure what to think of him, from how Clarke speaks of him. he seems like a good enough person. He was one of Clarke's best friends, was always there for her, and believed in her when no one else did. Yet... he and the others left her here with nothing. Not even a little water. Somehow, Clarke has never hated him, never hated any of them, for leaving her on this horrible planet to die.

Madi knows she shouldn't think ill of the people on the Ring, somewhere out there in space. They would have died if they had stayed. Yet, Madi can't help but feel a little as if the only people who really matter are here on earth. her, Clarke, and the people in the bunker in the ruins of Polis, if they're still alive. She hopes they are. Madi's favorite from the stories that Clarke tells is Octavia, Bellamy's little sister.

Both Madi and Octavia were the girls under the floor. If they were found, it would put their lives and the lives of their families in danger. It's not unbelievable that Madi loves Octavia's story so much.

The girl finishes the berries and stands up to go get Clarke, but when she turns back to her mother, Clarke is standing up, facing the imaginary Bellamy, talking too softly for Madi to hear.

She knows it's not her place to interfere so Madi makes her way to the bunks, where she can keep an eye on Clarke in case she makes a run for the rover, like she did when she saw Finn and Raven one time, but it would be more private for Clarke.

Clarke reaches up a hand, as if she's brushing away a tear from the face of a person only she can see, and before Madi can even process it, Clarke reaches up as if she's kissing them. Kissing Bellamy.

Madi looks away, unsure of what to do. She's not a doctor, the only real doctor left on earth is Clarke's mom, and she's in the bunker. If she's even alive.

When she glances back up, Madi finds that Clarke is pulled back, studying the empty air. Her face is turned away, but she can almost _feel_ the fear on Clarke. Her hands are shaking and she pulls back with a jolt.

Clarke says something, then a moment, before she falls to her knees. even from inside, with the storm still carrying on, Madi can hear the sobs from her mom and she wants to run out there, give her a hug, and pull her into the house before she catches a cold.

But before she can get up, it's as if a weight is being lifted from Clarke. she sits up, wiping her eyes and pushing the short blonde strands out of her tear-stained face, and says something else. She's turned a little towards Madi now, and the girl guesses it's something along the lines of _"Are you coming back?"_

A moment of hesitation, then Madi gets up and runs to the door. by now, Clarke is standing again and when she sees Madi, her face lights up.

"Clarke, please come inside," Madi says, clearly worried.

"I'm coming, don't worry."

Before she lets Madi pull her indoors again, Clarke turns and lets her gaze flit over the forest as the rain continued pelting down. With a small shake of her head, she turns back to Madi.

"Come on. I wanna see what you did with the berries this time, kid."


	2. stories

Madi has heard stories of Clarke's old friends a thousand times, literally, so they're easy to recognize from her cover behind the trees. The man in the front is trying to reason with the bad men who are holding guns up, ready to shoot at any minute. One of them is yelling words that Madi can't make out into a radio that looks vaguely similar to Clarke's. She shuts down every distraction around her, the way Clarke taught her to when they went hunting, and jumped out of the bushes.

_BAM! BAM! BAM!_

All three dead in a matter of seconds. Madi finishes the final guy with a bullet to his chest, then turns and studies the group staring at her.

"She's just a kid," the guy in the front says and that's when Madi knows.

This? this is Bellamy Blake. Not quite how she expected to meet him, or the others, if she's going to be honest.

"Bellamy?"

His head jerks and _oh yeah_ , Madi can see it now. He has a beard, must have grown it on the Ring, but besides that? He's practically the same as the drawings in Clarke's notebook. Bellamy slowly lowers his hand from where it's raised, stopping the others from shooting.

Everyone turns to stare at her.

"Clarke knew you would come," Madi says, and the look on his face is more than enough to make Madi's heart burst. She may not have always agreed with Bellamy in Clarke's stories, and she may not understand adults, having only really known Clarke and her birth parents, but his sharp intake of breath says everything.

The blonde girl in the back, who looked vaguely similar to Clarke except that she's thinner, had a look of complete shock. Madi took notice of her. Harper McIntyre, must be, and if the surprised look on the other guy's face is a safe bet, then that's Monty Green.

"Clarke's alive?" Bellamy breathes out, searching Madi's face.

"She's in trouble, we have to go."

From behind him, Monty asks, "What about the others in the bunker?"

Her shoulders drop ever so slightly. "Still there."

At that, Bellamy becomes confused. "What? No- no, how can that be?"

By this point, Madi's sick of talking, she just wants their help to get Clarke. She reaches out to tug on Bellamy's jacket. "I'll explain on the way. Come on."

The rest of the team follows them into the trees, weaving down the paths that Madi has come to know so well.

"Who are you?" the small woman with face tattoos asks. Madi barely glances over her shoulder as she responds, "Clarke is my mom. She saved me. I didn't think I'd be meeting her old family like this though."

Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Bellamy's face scrunch up at the word "old", as if he still considers her family. She almost snorts at the thought.

"The rover is this way," Madi says firmly, before anyone can continue the conversation, and leads them to the entrance of a cave system. she pushes aside the vines and branches, revealing Clarke's rover.

"I'm only taking Bellamy," she warns the group. "Too large a group is going to cause a scene. There are tunnels throughout here that you can use to hide. Once we have Clarke, we'll be back."

It's Echo and Harper who usher the others into the bunker, but something happens that stuns Madi momentarily. Echo reaches out and kisses Bellamy's cheek on the other side of the rover, murmuring a soft "I'll see you soon. take care of yourself."

Madi tries not to let it seem like it bothers her as she opens the door to the driver's side, Bellamy on the passenger's, but her mind is racing. Clarke isn't going to take this well, that's for sure.

She can feel Bellamy's gaze on her as she starts up the rover, watching as the others back away towards the tunnels, then pull off. There's a stretch of silence in the air, uncomfortable as hell, and Madi knows that Bellamy probably has a million questions.

He speaks and it's the last thing Madi expects him to say.

"I see Clarke never got rid of the old stuff in here."

She glances over at him as they pull around a tree in the middle of the path. "She always said it was your rover. Your stuff. It wasn't hers so she never got rid of anything that belonged to you or the others."

That's not a complete lie. It's what Clarke said to Madi the first time she asked, but Madi knew differently. Knew that if any of Bellamy's old things were moved even slightly out of place, Clarke would have a meltdown. These were different than the hallucinations though, these...

Well, Madi had no idea what to do when Clarke broke down in the rover. Mever had known what to do.

Bellamy makes a small sound, and Madi doesn't know if it's out of acknowledgement for what his best friend had gone through, or appreciation that Clarke had the respect for him not to move his things around.

And it's the last thing she cares about, if she's honest with herself. Madi Griffin has learned to be very honest with herself these last few years.

She and Clarke survived for six years without _Spacekru_ (she hates that word so much) and while it wasn't perfect, wasn't anywhere close, it was home. _CLARKE_ was home. And she wanted her back.

-

_DAY 1894_

It's been a long week for both Clarke and Madi, pushing both of them to the brink of losing it. Clarke's hallucinations have been coming less, which is a good sign, and Madi had been starting to think that maybe, just maybe, everything was working.

Then? Clarke disappeared for three days.

She didn't take the rover, left it in front of the little village where it was always parked. She left a note saying that she needed to be alone for a while, but Madi could take care of herself. She had never done anything remotely similar to this, and Madi found herself worrying constantly.

So when Clarke came back today, carrying that broken branch in her hand that she had had since the day she met Madi and visible circles under her eyes, Madi had insisted on Clarke taking a day or two to relax. It wasn't like the world was ending again, they had time.

The two were huddled together next to the bonfire when Clarke began her bedtime stories. Madi had missed them while Clarke was gone, and hearing the familiar stories brought a sense of comfort that she had been missing for days.

"What do you want to hear tonight?"

Madi leaned back and studied Clarke, who lay behind her, playing with Madi's long brown hair. it was one of the few moments where Clarke was truly letting her guard down.

"Just tell me about them. All of them. What they were like."

Clarke snorted at that before responding. "Where do I begin?'

"Where you always start. Wells, your mom, and the Blakes."

There was no hesitation in Madi's voice and Clarke gazed at her for a long minute before nodding.

"I do always end up starting with them, don't I? Fine. Wells..."

Wells Jaha, Clarke's childhood best friend who had taught her chess and who had let her hate him for a mistake he didn't make so that she never hated her mom for the horrible things she did to the Griffin family.

Abby Griffin, who had loved her daughter so much, who made the ultimate sacrifice, and who Madi always thought was a bit selfish, but Abby was her family, even if they never met, and it wasn't Madi's place to insult her.

Octavia Blake, Madi's personal favorite. The girl under the floor who had become the Ice King's champion, had won the conclave, and who Clarke had saved multiple times. the girl who was practically Clarke's little sister, even if the two always seemed to struggle with each other's company.

Finn Collins, Clarke's first real boyfriend. The first person who Clarke had truly opened up to, and who she had been forced to kill.

Raven Reyes, the genius mechanic who could go from seemingly hating Clarke's guts to absolutely adoring her at a moment's notice, and Monty green, the science nerd who had always seen the good in Clarke, even when she saw nothing but darkness in herself, plus Harper McIntyre, Monty's girlfriend.

Emori and John Murphy, both of whom, according to Clarke at least, probably bore her some sort of ill will, but she loved the two of them so much. she would never admit it but when she talked about them, Clarke had a look in her eyes that reminded Madi of the few kids her age she had met, introducing her to their siblings.

Echo, Madi's least favorite of the group. A former Ice Nation spy who had tried to kill Clarke twice, but when Madi asked if Clarke hated her for what she had done, Clarke would always say no. That Echo had done horrible things for the purpose of protecting her people. That wasn't wrong, was it?

Finally, the person who Clarke seemed to enjoy talking about the most. Octavia's older brother, Bellamy. Clarke's co-leader when they came to earth from the spaceship that he was back in at that very moment, who she had distrusted at first but who grew on her and became the one person she could trust. In her words, even when it felt like everything around them was falling apart, she had Bellamy by her side.

One night, a long time ago, Clarke had gotten drunk on something she called moonshine. According to her, Monty and his best friend, Jasper, made it constantly. Clarke rarely let herself go, and it wasn't hard for Madi to understand why. They were all the other had.

When she had let loose that night, telling Madi about the early days when they first came to earth, Clarke admitted that she had loved Bellamy. When Madi asked her if she still did, if the radio calls that she made to him every day still said "I love you", Clarke shrugged.

"I don't know, Madi. Years can change people."

-

That quote comes to mind as Madi is in front of Clarke. The two are preparing to leave Polis for good this time, to go back to Shallow Valley, and try reconciling with Diyoza. Neither of them are close enough with the people in the city anymore, it feels like, that they have to say goodbye to anyone.

Yet, Clarke's gaze keeps flitting over to a nearby tent. Finally, Madi snaps and turns to see what Clarke's staring at.

Oh.

_Oh._

It's Echo and Bellamy, again, and Madi internally lectures herself for not warning Clarke. Then again, she had seen the two of them together in the desert.

Madi's hand finds Clarke's as Echo kisses Bellamy's cheek one last time, their foreheads touching, before she turns and walks off further into the city. Bellamy stares into the fire next to their tent before glancing over.

Immediately, Madi makes herself busy with small things, refusing to get involved. This is up to Clarke to handle. They weren't supposed to get held up, but Madi can already feel it coming.

"Go talk to him," she murmurs to her mom, squeezing her hand. "He'll be fine, but it's only fair to say goodbye."

Clarke gives Madi a hesitant smile. "I'll be back in a minute, hang on."

Madi returns the smile, but as she watches Clarke go talk to Bellamy, a dark feeling seeps into her chest.

_"Years can change people."_


	3. calls

Madi watches from the sidelines as Bellamy and Clarke keep breaking each other's hearts. If Madi didn't care so much about her mom, it would almost be funny. That's all they did in the stories that Clarke told. They just keep breaking each other's hearts.

Finally, she decides to do something about it. Bellamy's being a dick, and they all know that the others are hurting, but they've all done things that didn't deserve to be forgiven, but are, because there's bigger problems right now than someone's ego. Right now? That _someone_ is Bellamy.

As Madi passes Clarke, she reaches out her hand, brushing her shoulder, and Clarke's hand comes up, almost automatically, to comfort herself. Madi knows the feeling, the last few days have been horrible.

Madi steps out onto the hatch, down the ramp, and up to Bellamy's side. They glance at each other, a brief communication.

Bellamy knows she doesn't fully trust him. That it'll be a while before she does.

Madi almost grins at that. Maybe he isn't too bad at reading people after all.

"You have to forgive her."

It comes out from her out of nowhere, and he responds without hesitation, almost like he was expecting it. Probably was, asshole.

"Now's not the time, Madi."

She studies him, disbelievingly. Yeah, there's not a lot of time, but when are they going to talk about this if not now?

"Do you have any idea how much she cares about you?"

Madi can't help but think of Clarke, kissing the hallucination of Bellamy in the rain two years ago, and it hurts. Thinks of every time Clarke would hesitate to talk about him, how careful she was with his old rover, how much she most _definitely_ loved him. It really hurts.

"So much that she left me to die in a fighting pit."

She comes close to snorting at that. Hypocrite.

"That was a mistake. How many mistakes did you make to protect the child you loved?"

A brief hesitation, then he responds.

"That was different."

God, Madi gets it. She gets why Bellamy and Clarke have always butted heads. They're both so irritatingly _stubborn_.

"Was it?"

He doesn't respond, probably doesn't know what to say. Just glances at her again.

Madi's starting to feel brave now, warmed up, ready to defend Clarke.

"I shouldn't tell you this, but when you were on the Ring, she called you on the radio every day for six years."

She can see the moment it hits him like a rover. He's stunned, doesn't know what to do. 

"You didn't know that... did you?"

A small shake of his hand, his lips forming the word no, but it doesn't quite make it out. He's too in shock.

Madi turns her head back to the plain ahead of them, waiting for their friends, and can see Bellamy twist around to study Clarke again, who she knows is watching them from the entrance to the ship.

She doesn't care though. If she's honest, she almost feels weightless. Madi's done her part, been the good guy, and helped Bellamy realize that Clarke still cared. She just needed a push. She always had.

She hears Echo call out, sees figures running through the fog, and it hits her. However screwed up they may be, and they most definitely are, the people from the Ring were Clarke's family. They were _her_ family. and however long it would take them to forgive Clarke, what matters is that Madi did that a long time ago, and a single glance tells her that Bellamy has as well. The only people Clarke needs.


End file.
